The Hidden Costs of Visibility

ASSESSING THE IMPACT OF VISIBILITY

A self-assessment to reflect on the impacts career-visibility has on personal well-being, relational well-being and sexual well-being.

Visibility is often framed as a reward: influence, leadership, opportunity, recognition…but does it always feel that way?
This self-assessment is not diagnostic. It is an opportunity to self-reflect and name experiences I frequently see as a therapist working at the intersection of visibility, fall out, and porn addiction.

Instructions:
Read each statement and select what best reflects your experience.

Impact of Visibility & Exposure

My self-confidence fluctuates sharply based on external situations

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I appear confident outwardly, while internally feeling unsure, small, or “not enough”

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I second-guess myself despite objective competence or success

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I’m hard on myself, others say I’m too self-critical

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I have low self confidence

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I experience imposter syndrome even in spaces I’ve earned my place

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I feel emotionally flat or detached from myself or others

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I hold myself to harsher standards than I apply to others

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

When something goes wrong, my internal narrative quickly turns into self-blame

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I don’t feel like ‘me’ anymore

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

Impacts on Intimacy, Sexual Behavior & Body Awareness

I have a hard time identifying what I’m feeling

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I feel shame, objectively more than necessary

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I’m disconnected from my body, primarily living “in my head”

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I spend more time or money on online sexual content than I’d like to

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I have a difficult time cutting down how much porn I watch and sticking to it

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

Sexual encounters feel performative

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

Online sexual content is a form of escape or self-soothing for me

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

I feel shame after sex, or watching sexual content

◻ Never ◻ Sometimes ◻ Often ◻ Almost always

Making Sense of What You Noticed

If you marked “often” or “almost always” for several statements, you aren’t alone.
These patterns are common among people who are capable, conscientious, and dealing with the public spotlight. When pressure is ongoing, or you were always taught to stuff down your emotions, there’s no where for them to go…

When Intimacy and Coping Are Affected

For some people, prolonged pressure or exposure changes how closeness feels. It can be harder to be close to folks, certainly harder if you’re dating around. For others, pornography use has always been a private pleasure, so you may start leaning into online sexual content more- which looks like a great private copping skill until you notice the brain fog, the hours spent, the shame, or negative impact it has started having on sexual interactions.

These responses are not a personal failure. They are adaptive strategies that no longer feel sustainable.

A Note About Support

Therapy offers a place where performance and perception do not need to be managed. Where talking about the most intimate parts of life is normal, welcomed and encouraged; because you aren’t the only one facing these thoughts, feelings, or behaviors.

For people in high-visibility roles, those who have experienced fallout, or are facing the sexual impact of a high-visibility life, therapy can help. Focusing on restoring internal privacy, resetting your nervous system, creating relational safety, and a felt sense of stability in the body.

To learn more about therapy for high-visibility pressure, fallout, & intimacy challenges visit www.bluehorsellc.com

Questions? I’d love to hear from you! Caroline@bluehorsellc.com